The Most Powerful Words In Customer Relations

“I’m sorry” may be the two most powerful words in customer relations. They’re certainly applicable if you or your company messed up an order or have something else for which to apologize, but they also show empathy for the customer’s feelings regardless of who is to blame. Those two simple words go a long way toward removing the “me against you” attitude that pours gasoline on a smoldering customer’s fire.

If you really want to “wow” the customer, accept responsibility for the solution, even if you don’t deserve it for the problem. Fear that their problem is going to get short-shrift causes more customer stress than any other single factor. It’s no wonder, when we live in a society where way too many “customer hotlines” are answered by call-center operators on the other side of the world whose standard answer to a complaint is to file it. Anticipation that this is going to happen turns slightly unhappy customers into absolutely furious customers, so one of the most effective ways you can defuse an explosive situation is to immediately promise your personal attention to working something out. When the customer finds a real, live human being who says they will personally take care of the problem, they’ll feel a tremendous sense of relief. And, when you actually do solve the problem, they’ll become customers for life.

Speaking of stress, it helps to relieve yours if you remember that not every single difficult customer can be satisfied. Sometimes their frustration stems from circumstances beyond your control, the solution is something you can’t deliver, and they just can’t or won’t accept those facts. Or maybe he or she really is that one-in-a-thousand customer whose goal in life is to get the better of you in every deal. If that’s the case, just tell them “sorry” and let them go.  You’ll probably lose a customer but you’ll gain a little peace and quiet.

Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides and Handbooks, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, and management strategy.

Practical Methods For Difficult Customers

Here are some ways to improve communication with difficult customers:

• Be receptive. Tell the customer you want to hear what they have to say, then give them a chance to say it.
• Put on their shoes and walk around in them for awhile. If you were faced with their frustration, how would you feel? And, just as importantly, what would you expect to be done to correct it?
• Use descriptive, non-judgmental words. Instead of saying “that’s wrong” try “that’s one way to look at it.”
• Set limits on the problem by excluding things that happened in the past or aren’t relevant to the current situation.
• Break the problem up into smaller pieces and try to reach an agreement on each one.
• Emphasize the things you have in common. “We both want the recipient of your gift to be happy,” for example.

Listening is the most important skill a sales person can possess in every situation, from trying to get an appointment with a new prospect to making a presentation to your biggest client. It’s essential when dealing with a difficult customer, so remember the first rule of listening:  you can’t listen if you’re talking! Let the customer talk. Don’t pounce on the things they are saying by trying to give them an answer before they’re finished saying them. In fact, watch out that you don’t just pretend to listen when you’re actually phrasing your answer while they’re talking. A remarkable number of difficult customers just want someone to listen to their problems, so learn to offer that small service automatically.

Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides and Handbooks, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, and management strategy.

How To Lose A Customer - Method #3

You can’t please everybody. Some days, in fact, it seems like you can’t please anybody. The paint color is a shade lighter than the customer thought it was going to be. There is a squiggle in the upholstery seam that only the customer can feel. The shelf is higher on one side than it is on the other—you can’t see it, but the customer can. How do you handle impossible, irrational complaints? (No, a slap upside the head is not a viable solution.)

The first step in handling a complaint—rational or otherwise—is to hear the customer out. Listening is the most important skill in customer relations, so remember the first rule: you can’t listen if you are talking! Let the customer talk first. Don’t pounce on what they say by trying to give them an answer before they’re finished. A remarkable number of complaining customers just want someone to listen to their problems, so learn to offer that particular small service automatically.

Is the customer always right? No, but they should never be told flat out that they’re wrong, either. Soften it a little by using phrases like

• “I can see why you feel that way…”
• “Let me look at that again…”
• “I understand what you’re saying…”

Then make an adjustment if you can, or explain—politely and respectfully—why you can’t. It’s tough to generalize because complaints can vary from the frivolous to the catastrophic, but the key factor in the customer relationship is the way you communicate with them about it.

You may have to shave your profit on a job to make the customer happy, but it doesn’t really happen all that often. There are people who try to get something for nothing, but if we start by assuming that the customer is trying to take advantage of us, we’re never going to resolve the problem to either their satisfaction or ours. In fact, the damage to our relationships with good customers far exceeds any loss we’ll experience by giving in to the unfair demands of the single crooked complainer.

Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides and Handbooks, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, and management strategy.

How To Lose A Customer - Method #2

When you are in a service business, not every job goes as planned. That’s why, depending on the kind of work you do, you give your customers an “estimate” instead of a firm price before you begin. If you’re smart, that estimate is in writing, and if you’re even smarter, you ask the customer to sign it before you touch their job. Even then, though, misunderstandings occur and customer relationships can become strained. No one likes to get a bill for more than he expected.

It happens all the time: a manufacturer raises the price of a key component after you’ve figured the old price into the job; you remove a panel only to discover a crack in the supports underneath, one thing leads to another and before the job is done the man-hours you originally estimated turn into man-years. You can’t just absorb these unexpected costs, nor should you. But you can’t just pass them on to the customer either, at least not without his prior approval.

Your future relationship with your customer depends in part on the way you tell him his bill is going to be higher than he thought. Your goal should be to convince the customer that you’re not trying to pull a fast one. Express regret that you have to deliver some bad news, then give them the details—and the more details you include in your explanation, the higher your credibility will be. You don’t have to be defensive or apologetic, but let him know you share his pain. If you’re open, honest, and above all timely, you’ll keep that customer.

Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides and Handbooks, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, and management strategy.

Is Your Shop Customer-Friendly?

When was the last time you looked around your shop to see if there are any customer-aggravating items? How about signs that explain your policies to customers? Do they read like they were written by Joseph Stalin? It’s really not necessary to scold your customers when you tell them where to park, make them stay out of the service area, or keep their hands off your tools, although it may seem like you have to sometimes. “No Customers Allowed”  sounds pretty nasty, especially compared to a sign that gets across the same message by reading, “Employees Only, Please.”

You sound a lot more customer friendly (and professional), too, when you explain why you have the rules you have. Add “Insurance Rules” or “OSHA Regulations” to the “Employees Only, Please” sign and you’ve made your policies sound a lot less arbitrary.

When it comes to rules, it’s not a bad idea to review yours every once in a while. Look at things like your hours of operation, availability of merchandise, deposits, and return policies to see if they serve a real purpose beyond irritating your customers. Do you close so early in the day that customers don’t have a chance to pick up something they need after they leave work? If a customer has to take off work, it’s an additional cost to them of doing business with you. The same holds true for when you open—can they drop off an item for repair and still have time to get to their job? Saturday and Sunday hours are customer-friendly, too. And if you want to really do it right, offer to accommodate customers by appointment at other hours when you’re not normally open.

Most customer relationships are built on good communications, of course, which raises a couple of other questions:  Do you call the customer when their job is ready or make them call you to find out if it’s finished? If the work’s not going to be done when you promised, do you call to warn them? It takes a little time and effort on your part, but the customer who gets such a call generally recognizes the thoughtfulness. Besides, it demonstrates that you respect the value of their time and, by proxy, appreciate their business.

While I’m ranting, whatever happened to saying “thank you” to customers? From the almost total absence of that phrase in most businesses these days, you might think it had been put on something like the FCC’s list of forbidden words. Another phrase seems to have replaced it, the one you hear when the cashier at the grocery store hands you your change and receipt and says, “here you go.”  What the heck is that supposed to mean? Even worse, when the customer takes the change, their inclination is to say “thanks,” which sounds as if they are expressing their gratitude to the store! What’s wrong with this picture?

If you want to make your shop truly customer friendly, make it a practice to thank the customer every chance you get. “Thanks for calling,” “thanks for letting us work on your car,” even “thanks for coming in” are the right words to use when dealing with the person who keeps you in business.

These may seem like little, picayunish details when compared to major factors like how well the product works after the customer gets it home, and they are—individually. But when you add them up, which is what happens when the customer comes into your shop time after time, they grow. Add enough aggravations, and the next thing you know, you’ve built that proverbial mountain out of a molehill
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Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides and Handbooks, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, and management strategy.

Attention And Interest

One factor essential to the completion of sales communication is holding the prospect’s attention throughout the pitch. That’s harder than it sounds, as anyone who has done any public speaking can attest. Holding the listener’s attention is one of the hardest tasks a communicator faces for several reasons.

For one thing, the human brain is programmed to check for distractions—to actually seek them out—while it’s listening to you. This involuntary reflex probably dates back to the early days of prehistory when our ancestral prospect’s knuckles dragged the ground. As our proto-prospect walked across the savanna he was in constant danger from predators. He had to check out every sound, movement, or scent that came along, just like the deer that raises its head between every bite of grass.

When you’re making your pitch, your prospects are constantly tuning in and out of your sales presentation to check for other “dangers” lurking about the room. Unlike the deer, though, your prospects have a lot of other things on their minds. These subjects pop into their consciousness every time they momentarily stop listening to you. They may be staring right at your face, apparently hanging on your every word. In their heads though, there’s a monologue going on about what their spouse said last night at the dinner table, what they’re going to have for dinner tonight, how much traffic they can expect to encounter on the commute home, whether their car needs a tune-up, how large the balance on their credit card has become, and on and on. They tune in and out of your presentation while they’re also tuning in and out of that monologue in their head.

Your task is to constantly bring their attention back to your pitch. You have to continually recapture and hold their interest. Your presentation skills can help you do that.

Change is the key to holding interest. The mind attends to stimuli that change. The deer perks its ears up when a twig snaps in the background or the wind sweeps from another direction. Your prospect will tune back into your presentation when something—anything—in your delivery changes.

Work on varying the volume, pitch, and tone of your voice. We’ve all sat through presentations delivered in a monotone and know how deadly boring even the most interesting subject can be if it’s delivered in a consistent, constant drone. To avoid a monotone delivery, vary your volume, pitch, and tone.

Speak louder and softer, emphasizing different points in your presentation with different vocal volumes.

Practice speaking in higher and lower pitches—which convey excitement and intimacy among other emotions.

Work on different tones for different places in your presentation—authoritative, humorous, decisive, inquisitive.

Every time you change one of these factors, you get the prospect’s attention back on your pitch.

You can also vary the rate, intensity, and spacing of your speech. Some people seem to speak at machine-gun rate all the time. They wear their listeners out from trying to keep up. Believe it or not, it’s almost impossible to speak too slowly. The sentence that sounds to you like it’s never going to end will probably sound just fine to the listener.

Remember that the adrenaline pumping through your veins while you’re making a pitch will speed you up unless you make a strong conscious effort to control it. The intensity of your presentation can range from conversational to table-pounding, as long as it’s appropriate to the points you’re trying to emphasize.

And don’t forget to pause. An intentional silence will bring a listener back to you every time. It will also heavily underscore the point that precedes it.

Use your body appropriately. It’s almost impossible to stay enthusiastic and keep a high energy level while you’re slouched in a chair. If you can, stand for some or all of your presentation. Moving about the room, even if it’s just a few feet, will help keep the prospect focused on you and what you’re saying. If you have to sit down while you’re making your pitch (and you do, most of the time), sit on the middle of the seat and don’t let your body touch the back of the chair. Keep your arms away from the armrests so you don’t slouch to one side. The very act of sitting erect will make you more energetic and interesting.

Good posture, whether sitting or standing, gives you better breath control, too. This puts more energy into your voice and helps you speak more clearly.

You should make lots of gestures whether you’re sitting, pacing, or standing still. Gestures re-capture interest and provide strong non-verbal emphasis to important points. To help free your hands for use during the pitch, don’t fold them in your lap or on the desk. And don’t put a pen or other object in your fingers automatically. You’ll have a tendency to “fidget” with it if you’re not using it, so put it back in your pocket when you’re done with it.

Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for small business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, hiring, firing, and motivating personnel, financial management, and business strategy.

The Direct Question Close

There are many different closing techniques that will make the sale a positive experience for both you and your prospects. My personal favorite closing technique is also the simplest. It’s the direct question. It’s my favorite because I’m a pretty direct person who likes to say things clearly. I also believe most prospects appreciate this type of close because it’s the most honest. It doesn’t try to sneak up on them and it gives them credit for being mature, responsible business people able to reach a quick, firm decision. The direct question also eliminates much prior thought about technique on my part, which allows me to concentrate on what the prospect is saying rather than on what my next lines are going to be.

My favorite direct question is, “Would you like to make this investment today?” Since I’m usually selling a fairly expensive consulting service proposal that will pay off in the long run for my clients, the term “investment” suits the offering very well.

I also use the imperative “today” because I’m trying to get a commitment from the prospect now—not later. That word serves as a signal to them that it’s “yes or no” time. If you want to use the direct question method, find words of your own that fit your product or service line.

Some other direct questions you might try are
-Would you like to do business today?
-Can I order this for you now?
-Do you want this plan?
-Are we in agreement on the deal?


The direct question needs to be short, sweet, and to the point. It should not have any “wiggle room” in it for the prospect to use to back out of the commitment. It should be strictly a “yes or no” proposition. If the prospect wants to say “maybe” to a “yes or no” question, they have to work at it.

It’s important that the words you choose for the direct question close be your words. They have to seem natural to you when you say them and natural to the prospect when they’re coming out of your mouth. If you seldom use twenty-dollar words in normal conversation, don’t stick any into your closing question. If you’re a distinguished-looking professional man or woman, stay away from an MTV vocabulary.

You should write down your closing question (and a few variations) and read them out loud to see how they sound. You’ll probably be able to tell pretty quickly if those words belong in your mouth.

Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for small business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, hiring, firing, and motivating personnel, financial management, and business strategy.

Making Sales With Your Ears, Not Your Mouth

In my consulting practice, I never talk about the salesperson’s speaking ability—I always refer to their communication skills. Communication is a two-party, two-action process. In sales communication as in other types of inter-personal communication, each person takes turns speaking and listening. Person A talks and Person B listens to what they say. Then Person B replies and Person A listens to their answer. There is a completed communications loop—hopefully.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen that way much of the time. In fact, I’m sure you can probably identify plenty of instances where the communications loop isn’t completed. Your spouse is talking to you about the necessity of squeezing the toothpaste tube strictly from the bottom, but your mind is on what your best customer was complaining about today, so you don’t “hear” a word that’s being said. The sound physically strikes your ear drums. Your neural system transmits it to your brain, but it doesn’t register because your brain is busy with something else. And so you have the same “conversation” the next morning.

Or your sales manager is going over (for at least the tenth time) the pricing strategies for your fall line but you’re busy mentally calculating the effects of the new pricing on the sales incentive payouts and, besides, you’ve heard this spiel nine times already. He’s talking and you’re hearing, but you are not listening. There’s a big difference.

It happens all the time. One of my favorite examples occurs when you use that automatic conversation opener, “How are you?” Most of the time, you’ll get an automatic answer like, “I’m fine. How are you?”

Every once in a while, though, the answer is far from automatic: “I’m terrible, my dog died yesterday and I’m just heartbroken about it.” But you’re still in auto-answer mode, so you come back with, “I’m just great, too. I know you’re busy, so let’s get right into the presentation.” I’ve done it and I bet you’ve heard it happen, too. You think you’re paying strict attention—but you’re not listening to the other person.

Most people think that a salesperson’s job is to talk. Even worse, many salespeople think that. And salespeople who believe that their job is to talk the prospect into submission then fail to complete the feedback loop by listening to what their prospect is saying. And they wonder why their closing ratio is so low.

I won’t belabor the point. Just remember that more sales are made with your ears (and what’s between them) than your mouth.

Dave Donelson distills the experiences of hundreds of entrepreneurs into practical advice for small business owners and managers in the Dynamic Manager's Guides, a series of how-to books about marketing and advertising, sales techniques, hiring, firing, and motivating personnel, financial management, and business strategy.